Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Once upon a time there was a tiny man from the village of blanderbeak. This man was so short in fact that he was nationally recognized as the shortest man on the face of the earth. However, he was more of a small town hero to the people of blanderbeak. His fame brought notice not only to him but to this small town and the honor thereof. Therefore, he was beloved by everyone in blanderbeak. This man had a small family, not of size but of numerical count, that he loved very much. In this sense he was a perfect family man in that he never was immoral and almost always a perfect father to his children. He was a very loving husband and never was questioned by anyone of any wrongdoing.
                However, one day while he was walking along the trail to the market he encountered a witch. This wicked old lady had bad smells draped about her as the small man wafted the scents of her cruelty into his nose. She wore a extremely old cape that was very out of fashion. As this tiny man knew this he gained confidence in the first words he spoke to her. He greeted her kindly not breaking stride when suddenly she stopped. He slowed down and turned back and discovered the old lady had disappeared only to look back in the direction he was walking to see her in front of him again. Nearly colliding with her the small man stopped and asked if he could help the old frail woman. She said that he could by feeding her family. He told the woman that he did not have any food. She then proceeded to tell him that the small man could buy her product. Suddenly, a chariot appeared. The chariot came sweeping across the trail and swept the woman off her feet and took her out of sight. The man decided to keep walking and came upon an old friend. This taller friend greeted him but seemed to be speaking some foreign language that the small man could not understand. He asked  for his friend to repeat the sentence but as he opened his mouth the second time bugs started to fly out in swarms. He thought that it must be the witches curse. He knew the only way to stop this curse was to impale the victims face with his teeth before starting the legendary journey for the unicorns tear. The small man knew that no one had ever achieved this feat but he loved his friend so much that he must try. So he bit his friends face and as he turned around to start on his quest he found his mother standing behind him. Puzzled,  he was suddenly overcome with excitement as it had been quite sometime since their last visit. He then ran towards her arms spread to give a leaping hug when suddenly his mom took out a banana and threw it at him. The banana hit the man square in the chest. Puzzled, the small man removed that banana to reveal a flesh wound with an protruding rainbow ending at the location of the green horse. The then stood still in shock of this as his mother took out a second fruit, this time an orange and hit him in the head before he fall over dead. This however, was not the end of the small man as he continued to live on for quite some time on the local news. It was shocking then, for his beloved townspeople to find out that he had eaten the face of a total stranger and had no reaction to a gunshot to the chest from a local police officer. It took several shots then for the police officer to kill him ending with one to the head. This local expression of free will ended in one of the most traumatic ways possible for the victim and the perpetrator. As it turns out, it was the evilness of the witch that lead to the downfall of this great hero. It has recently been proclaimed that the king and his men are on the hunt for such a woman in order to ring her to justice. They have sent out many knights; however some lords have put a restriction on their power. This restriction has only lead to more curses being put on the good people of good towns. Therefore the executive council of the foreign allies of the galaxy hereby claim that the intergalactic wizard alliance begin a program to end the abuse of curses throughout our galaxy. In order to assure the safety of its people the underground facility inspection crew promote the use of the above scenario in order to preach a society and attitude of gratefulness towards reality. Therefore, dur to the above allegiances, the council on coniferous vegetables and the USA adhere to the honor code of presidents in order to promote a culture of large flying mammals.
                As Steve wakes from his dream he understands that the use of illegal substances is truly something not worth doing.